Game: Lollipop Chainsaw, Kadokawa Games, 2012, PS3Beer: Deadpan Pilsner, 22 fl. oz., 5.2% abv
# of beers consumed during play: 2
Level Reached: The Stadium
Level of Intoxication: Woozy
Game
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Playstation. On pretty much every single outing, from the PSX all the way to today, Playstation has been the platform that's catered to the most unusual and niche games. The PS3 was adamant in maintaining that legacy with offerings such as Catherine, Heavy Rain, and of course, Lollipop Chainsaw. Of course, that's not to say other systems that were competing at the time didn't have their own niche titles. Indeed, games such as Catherine were multi-platform, but all the same, it always seemed like the house that Sony built went that extra mile to foster and encourage games that stepped outside the norm. Sometimes that would come in the form of gameplay mechanics, sometimes in art direction or story, but it always resulted in a memorable experience. In games like Odin Sphere for the PS2, it was grand, amazingly stylish visuals; with Lollipop Chainsaw, it's as if Dawn of the Dead and Hello Kitty bullet trains had a head-on collision.
Gameplay
If you've ever played any of the Devil May Cry series, this is pretty much that except without the frowny, gothy, emo-hair trappings. Where DMC wants to take itself super seriously, Lollipop Chainsaw doesn't, and pulls out every single stop to ensure you as the player understand this. This is prevalent in everything from story and setting (which we'll get to soon, I promise...), all the way down to gameplay. You are a zombie-killing cheerleader named Juliet who is in constant possession of the titular lollipop and chainsaw combo, and who pom-pom-bashes and chainsaw-dances her way through entire queues of the undead. While that last sentence may have read like mayhem in a bottle, as you'll soon see, this game goes down the rabbit hole of WTF each and every chance it gets.
Very much like DMC, the fights you have in this game are frenetic, difficult, and filled with needless spectacle. Every action is either another opportunity to make a bad decision and watch as the baddies chip more health away from you or a chance to unleash the cutest ass-whippings ever seen. On the easier difficulties, zombies move slower, are finished off easier, and do much less damage. Harder difficulties make me rage-quit and will not be extensively covered in this review, sorry, but I only have one PS3 controller, and I'm not wasting it on this game. At any rate, every level is graded on performance, from how elegantly and quickly you killed zomboids, to how many secrets you found and how often you had to restart. As you can imagine, to get the better rankings, one must learn to float like a butterfly and sting like a tarantula hawk. If you don't know what a tarantula hawk is, you aren't playing LC properly. Go to the internet and look that shit up...once you do and fill your cringe quota for the decade, come on back and we'll continue. So, in order to make your opponent helplessly scream in pain for five minutes straight, you must learn the effective use of combos. The most effective combos are bought in a store that also sells health and power upgrades, artwork, music, and skimpy outfits for Juliet. If you guessed you earned money for this store by killing zombies, you're already in the right frame of mind. If you further guessed that the skimpy outfits are some of the most expensive items in the game, then you are ready to become a video game designer and have a very successful career.
In addition to combos and powerups, you have access to special moves and finishers. Some special moves depend on how many zombies you've killed, whereas others are dependent on tickets or special situations scattered around the game. Finishers can be performed on staggered zombies, and can bestow additional money depending on how crazy the move is. Of particular note is Sparkle Hunting, which absolutely must be written in bold, because this shit is in a class all it's own. If you manage to finish off three or more zombies with a single move, the game quick-cuts to a scene showing you doing a cute dance as zombies are decapitated in the background in slow motion complete with twinkly stars, rainbow edges, and colorful counters showing how much money you won. Subtle, this game is not. In a previous review, I mentioned how the old PSX game Loaded was sensory overload. Loaded is Perry Como in a rowboat compared to the punk anthem-fueled, ultra-saturated, Technicolor grindhouse that is Lollipop "Yes, we go there" Chainsaw. Every single fight you engage in is a chance for the game to fire up these insanity engines and bombard you with movement, noise, color, and fanfare. Even the levels themselves are designed to push you ever forward, from giant pulsing arrows to scripted scenes that funnel you further along. Of particular note in this regard are the infamous Quick Time Events which require much-lamented "press X to not die" scenes. Many of these short travesties are triggered automatically at certain points in the level, and almost all of them have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to failure. This is especially hostile in the face that deaths also count against your end-of-level score heavily, so you better be a goddamn savant on that controller if you want a good report card. Minor quibbles about the dreaded QTE aside, the sequences are cool to watch, and are very God of War-esque, in that if you manage to press dem buttons, you'll feel like a mini-skirted hero. These sequences feature heavily in boss fights, and once you know what to look for, definitely add another visceral layer of immersion to the mayhem onscreen.
Speaking of mayhem, we mustn't forget your trusty sidekick, boyfriend-still-alive-head-keychain. I understand none of that makes sense, and really, the detailed explanation would be going further down the rabbit-hole than we have time for, but suffice it to say What's-his-name is a disembodied talking head that Juliet has clipped to her skirt on a little neckleash. Instead of being a useless head however, What's-his-name actually is able to factor pretty heavily into your chances of success by acting as several different aids such as a special attack as well as factoring into mini-games that bestow bonuses upon success. Most of the mini-games take the form of QTEs, where you have to press a sequence of buttons to get What's-his-name to crash through a barrier while he's attached to an available zombie body. I never said this was going to get any easier to follow. Fortunately for everyone involved, the game is more worried about moving you quickly from one insane set piece to the next, and is much better for it. The first full level--the high school--is enormous, and is chock full of baddies, secrets, stranded innocents, and mini-bosses. By the time you actually reach the end level boss, you have dodged a number of school buses crashing through walls, explosions, difficult "named" zombie fights, more QTE events than you can shake a Shenmue at, and have ended up at a zombie punk concert at a nearby junkyard where a punk rock zombie screams giant red letters at you. I know some of you may be thinking there is no possible way that is a real thing. That I must have made all that up in an effort to make this game seem crazier than it really is. I must sadly tell you that no, it is all true and you will actually play through it all, you will see it in all its rainbow glory, and the combination of twinkly star sounds, roaring chainsaws, and vitriolic profanity will echo through your mind.
The fact of the matter is that this game has a masterful method of leading you through a level, putting easy objectives (saw down this door) in quick succession with difficult ones (a pair of zombie cops with guns). These "see-saw" style objectives make it empowering to break through a door with a couple easy, fun commands before having to get down to the nitty gritty and actually fight, sometimes against unfair odds. Once you manage to prevail, there comes another event that requires less than a modicum of concentration and the cycle starts all over again. All these workings are well hidden by the action onscreen, and zombies, innocents, and seizure-inducing lightshows all work together to pull you deeper into the game. To further double-down on the game's Skinner-like nature, LC features literal pages of items, enemy types, artwork, audio logs, hidden items, special moves, and music tracks to collect. Each item is numbered, and long, tantalizing lists filled with question marks can be viewed, spurring the meticulous player to replay levels and comb every nook and cranny for collectibles. Within context, that essentially means trashing anything you can to see if it hides coins or other goodies, and following dead-ends on the map no matter how boring or time consuming. Beating the game and getting more coins to buy powers is the central game hook. The meta one encompasses online leaderboards that can be followed and competed with to try and get the global high score. Again, in context, and a few years after release, that means you look online for the best strategy that's been assembled by the hive mind and follow that as closely as you can.
I realize that reeks of oversimplification, and really, I'm just taking cheap shots at the obvious weak points of an otherwise very robust and polished game. The tendrils of this game are long and curly, and it's inevitable that some aren't going to be as fully developed as others. And while the movement and combat mechanics take some getting used to, they are still built on a solid foundation of interactivity and player choice, only taking a backseat to the animation, which reminds me...
Graphics/Sound
First thing's first, elephant in the room. This game centers around (both literally and figuratively) a hot, skimpily dressed high school girl, and flesh-tone textures and painstakingly crafted polygon curves are in serious abundance. While I'm sure that's enough to inflame a few attitudes, the game also features astonishingly graphic violence. The cavalier addition of saccharine cuteness and explosive set dressing turn this into a fireworks spectacle aimed directly at 12-to-46-year-old boys who may or may not have a secret Rainbow Brite fetish. The shameless juxtaposition of extreme violence with violent cuteness creates an environment that always aims to keep you off-guard. The bright flashes of casino-like color and screen warping effects help to reinforce the "circus gone mad" aesthetic of the game, while the gritty, realistic textures of rotting flesh keep this as a nicely rooted horror experience. To further amp up the experience, many elements of the game are served up in a old comic book art style, including major character introductions and certain cut-scenes. When pulled together as a whole, the art elements become a psychedelic lens that tints all the grindhouse and video game love letters in this game with a special kind of crazy. In this aspect, the artwork truly becomes a thing of its own. Everything from the character animations to the outlandish pink chainsaw, to the Vegas-inspired special effects evokes a feeling of "reality-plus-plus", and hammers home the point that not only does anything go in this game, but that everyone's completely ecstatic about it. Even the fonts and icons evoke a manic Lisa Frank meets Elm Street vibe that I think encapsulates the game's visual theme perfectly. While it might not be pretty, it certainly isn't ugly, and as can be inferred by the cartoon skull with pigtails on the game's front cover, the art assets very much cater to a grrrl mentality. While Social Justice Warriors, Gamergate denizens, and various media figureheads will probably be able to argue this into the next eon, I'm going to firmly plant my flag that this game is intended for boys and girls alike, but especially girls that overloaded and burnt out on Barbie dolls and Disney Princess coloring books a long time ago. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I know a number of women who would absolutely adore a girl-horror game. People who want to poke a stick at the hyper-sexualization need to take a step back and look at the source material and realize that it is more endemic of the entertainment industry as a whole, and should stop being laid at the feet of gamers simply because there's a perception that we're all white, male 15-year-olds. Whether certain groups want to admit it or not, there are certainly adult females who enjoy cutting zombies in half with chainsaws, and more power to them. I'm pretty sure the visuals in this game will go quite a ways to satisfy that itch. To that end, I'm posting a few more screen shots than usual, since this game really does tell its own story...
The music and sounds are pretty much at the top of the curve when it comes to keeping up with the completely overwhelming visuals. The best way to approximate this game's audio in real life is to go to Las Vegas, put your ear up to a cluster of slot machines, drop a tab of acid, and pay a group of people to play the slots as fast as they can until your ears start to bleed. The reason it is this way is because the audio in LC has to keep up with the visuals, and since the visuals are, by necessity, moving at 1000 miles per hour, the audio has to do the same. This can create an unfortunate phenomenon where everything blends together and becomes sensory soup. In the case of this game, this happens frequently, as one can imagine. During many points in the game, though, the wall of zombie death rattles and pachinko jingles will be interrupted, and the game takes on a completely different, still absolutely ludicrous character in an instant. Whether that's the sudden interjection of Toni Basil's "Micky" during a special move, or the sugar-drenched inclusion of the Chordette's "Lollipop" while browsing the store page. These brilliant aural respites erect a giant sign above this game that says, in flashing neon letters, "Laugh at me!!" Moreover, the voicework on the game is very well done, particularly considering the complete outlandishness of the story and dialogue. More than once, I burst out laughing, not only at the words being spoken, but of the excellent delivery. My particular favorite in the game quickly became the soft southern drawl of Juliet's father, whose audio logs are all too brief combat tips, but have their own hilarious charm. Other characters are very fun, and there's an impressive amount of spoken dialogue in this game, particularly out of Juliet's boyfriend, who has so many lines of dialogue at any given moment, I'm almost inclined to learn his name. As for the sheer technical artistry of the foley work, everything in this game is clear as a bell, from the raspy zombie voices, all the way down to the sharp roar of the chainsaw as it chops through zombie flesh. Along with the pulse-pounding original rock soundtrack, featuring such gems as "Throwin' Around Zombie Heads" and "We Are Norse Gods", the sounds are working to push you ever forward in constant lock-step with the rest of the game. The fact that the sound is so highly coordinated and of such a high quality is just the cherry on top of an already surprisingly polished experience.
Story
While I'm sure readers have a fairly good sense of what's going on by now, we'll go ahead and fill in any blanks.
You are Juliet! A cheerleader at San Romero High School (Woo! Spoilers!), who also happens to be a highly trained zombie killer, which is fortunate, since a guy who won second prize at the annual Marilyn Manson lookalike contest tries to summon zombies from Rotten World (no I'm not joking). As the chosen savior of your high school--and ultimately your town--you vow to save everyone from the hordes of undead. Thankfully, your wiseacre boyfriend tags along...literally, as he is now a disembodied head attached to a keychain thanks to some sort of crazy zombie killing school magic. Along the way you meet zombie overlords which all must be defeated in order to save your town, and who all will meet exceedingly gruesome fates as per national zombie story regulations.
So...Let's just break that down.
Sex appeal = Check!
Secret undead-killing clan = Check!
Bad guy in over his head = Check!
Unlimited source of zombies = Check!
Sidekick fulla one-liners = Check!
Zombie killing/boyfriend beheading magic = Check!
Crazy zombie bosses = Check!
Inexhaustible fountain of spectacular gore = Check!
Tarantino-inspired use of foul language = Check!
It should probably be mentioned here in the story section that LC was written by one James Gunn, who was responsible for not only writing the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead, but who has since gained just a little bit of fame as being the director and co-writer of a kind-of popular recent movie called Guardians of the Galaxy (not to mention the forthcoming Guardians Vol. 2, which has me kinda-sorta peeing my pants in anticipation). If you need any more convincing that this game has the proper pedigree, then you are likely the kind of person who goes to conventions and argues with b-list celebrities about their previous roles. I can only hope one day you inadvertently trigger Lou Ferrigno. For everyone else however, it's pretty easy to see that this game was made with fans of classic horror and bubblegum cinema tropes in mind, and succeeds brilliantly. I for one am glad as I always come to the story portion in my reviews with some trepidation, and even though the story here was never meant to be Shakespeare, the fact that it was given some love and care is a great relief indeed.
Beer
Deadpan Pilsner, which is made by the Wiens Brewing company is a pretty surprising offering, proving once again that contrary to your mother's advice, imbibing things with skulls on them can actually be a good thing. As I continue to stare at the skulls on the label however, I'm tempted to start looking for hidden pictures, much as I did back when the Red Dog, Red Wolf, and other such beers weren't yet discontinued. If you remember these beers as well, congratulations, alcohol hasn't completely destroyed your brain yet. Although given the fact that the beer industry is as self-cannabalistic as any other business, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find I was drinking a rebadged Icehouse or Bud Dry. Even if that were the case though, I'd have to say I really don't have too many complaints, as this beer really isn't that bad at all. When held against other beers I've reviewed in the past, "not that bad at all" may as well come with a trophy. So what secrets does the golden color of Deadpan hold within?Smell
Citrusy, piney, hoppy. Really, when I hold a glass of this up to my face and do the old whifferoo, those are the loudest instruments in the band. Of course, I realize that many brews have come before this one, bearing those exact same markers, and really in smell, this one is not much different. The citrus and pine work together to sear your nostrils and deaden the receptors in your nose, since after a minute or so of sniffing this, the shock has completely subsided and you're left with a seemingly pedestrian scent of hops. There's something about the way the smell levels out that hints at the fact this beer is a little bit...special. Not as in "eats steak with a spoon" special, but more like "knows the exact time of day without a watch" special. The fact of the matter is, this beer has a character that is loud and in your face for the first few turns, and then begins to mellow as you get to know it, much like many barflies I've known. This simple quality is often overlooked in beers, but can easily make or break a property that is sitting firmly on the fence in all other categories. In the case of Deadpan, this quality actually seems to be a core design trait, and as such, very carefully rides the line between underwhelming and overbearing.
Taste
When you first raise the glass unto your lips, particularly if you disregarded the smell, Deadpan will swiftly and patiently put you in your place, much like a parent that already saw this lesson coming. Sharp, piney, lemony knives will come crashing down on your tongue, cutting through your sensitive tastebuds with a caustic fire. As the taste spreads out on your palette, it'll take on an acerbic quality, accentuating the citrus and hops and riding the bitter sting into a slightly woody, nearly Pine-Sol level aftertaste. This may come as a complete surprise to some, and a foregone conclusion to others, but Deadpan Pilsner goes absolutely fantastic with hot sauce, and in fact, the hotter the better. There's something positively ethereal about the bitterness of this drink that goes famously with the actual pain of spicy food. It may have something to do with the lemon Pine-Sol flavor, or it may have something to do with the science of alcohol and capsaicin, but one thing is for sure, if you like very hot things, you will probably also like this. Fortunately, you don't just have to be a chili-head, as this drink also pairs well with pizza, wings, and steak alike, whether you eat it with a spoon or not. Furthermore, left to its own devices for a bit, this drink will breathe into something just a bit sharper than your average microbrew, and will offer some tasty (if still rather bitter) moments.
Intoxication
At a middling 5.2% alcohol content, this gives a nice solid woozy, without having to imbibe an entire keg to get there. I will say that much like the smell and taste, you will pretty much feel this stuff attacking your frontal lobe like...immediately. It feels like some unseen hand is gently pinching your brain, and before long, you'll have a tightly focused inebriation bring a curtain down over your senses. Your coordination will begin to slip, and if you're playing a game that requires an abundance of it, such as LC, you will quickly find yourself at the game over screen. Interestingly, it seems as if your perception is largely left alone, and so slowly and without warning, Deadpan will drag you into this funhouse land where what you see and what you do occupy two completely different dimensions. As one can imagine, these dimensions collide at all the wrong places, and so, after enough of this drink has been enjoyed, the smart money goes on finding a quiet corner to ride out the rest of the rollercoaster, if not, there's the game over screen, which is curiously applicable both in-game, and in real life. Unless you can handle alcohol like my 6th-grade math teacher, drink responsibly.
Feel
This brew is light and nearly airy in the mouth, which is as much of a contrast to it's initial taste as it is to the drink's proclivity to settle in your gut like spicy concrete. It's nearly alarming at how crisp and smooth this flows down the gullet, and how the sharp taste and smell seem to clear a trail for the rest of the experience. I really gotta hand it to this beer, it takes the experience of drinking, and holds it high indeed. Where things seem to fall apart is after the actual act of drinking, where the drinker is left with a feeling of knives and regret swirling around in their stomach. I've said it before, there is a point where a drink has to sacrifice something to the beer gods, as no beer can be truly perfect. While many get close, many more still don't, and it is reasons like this that we see why. Still, as I mentioned at the beginning of the beer portion, though this beer suffers a few blemishes which stop it just short of greatness, it still isn't bad by any stretch, and I'll take not bad over terrible eight days a week. In addition, knowing this beer is actually kinda local to me gives me a warm fuzzy knowing I'm supporting a local brewery that is already working with something good, and hopefully will only get better. The pleasure of finding a diamond in the rough is truly a gift, as anyone who has shared either a game or a beer they've found can attest.
The Matchup
Well, in this review, I paired the weirdest zombie game I could find with a beer that happened to have skulls on the label. All things considered, I'm pretty sure I could have done worse. In this situation we have a game that goes to the absolute extremes in both gore and cuteness, and somehow, makes them work beautifully in concert, with only a minor rough patch here or there. On the other hand, we have a beer that turns a couple dials up to eleven, and turns a couple others down as a result, ultimately giving us something eminently drinkable. When paired together in this case, LC and Deadpan create a temporary vortex of fun. While you're in the middle of it, you forget the world around you and have an incredible time. Once it's over, however, you look back on everything and wonder to yourself, "did that just happen?" While a few times on this merry-go-round might be a blast, sooner or later, you'll find yourself looking for less intense experiences.
Cheers/Game on.