Call of Duty: Black Ops II/Batch 19

Game: Call of Duty: Black Ops II, Treyarch, 2012, Xbox 360
Beer: Batch 19, 12 fl. oz., 5.5% abv
# of beers consumed during play: 2
Level Reached: Like...3 or something.
Level of Intoxication: Buzzed

Game
In this space I usually give a little bit of background about the game and those who developed it, meting out little tidbits of info such as previous entries in the series, hallmarks of the game, and maybe a few points about the people who made it. I have no intention of doing that here since pretty much anyone who has ever picked up a game controller knows about the Call of Duty series. Hell, even my mom knows what I'm talking about when I say I've been playing CoD, and her involvement in video games has historically been little more than a financier for them back when I was a kid. To say the Call of Duty franchise is well known is like saying Times Square has seen a bit of foot traffic. If you don't have at least a passing knowledge of the Call of Duty games at this point, chances are your interests lie more along the lines of judging dog shows or keeping track of which numbers get assigned to interstate highways. Although, at this point, the Call of Duty franchise has grown so big, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find that even dog show judges and interstate number assigners play this game. It also wouldn't surprise me to find out they are also the first ones to bitch in the forums when a patch nerfs their favorite SMG.

Gameplay
Call of Duty is a first-person shooter, or FPS, meaning this game is particularly well suited to making the hosts of The View have frowny-faces and speak on subject matter they have absolutely zero experience in. Back when the series first debuted, the main focus was on a story-driven single player campaign set in World War II, which at the time was just beginning to peak in popularity. With each successive iteration of the franchise, the focus has steadily shifted toward multiplayer all the way up to present day, where at least half of the people who buy this game are likely completely unaware there's even a single player mode at all. Looking at the games from an objective point of view, I feel as though the developers have been actively encouraging this shift, as the single player campaigns have been becoming progressively shorter and shorter, whereas the multiplayer has become increasingly more robust. This suspicion is further proven out merely by looking at the size of the manual packed in with the disc. The manual that was offered with CoD 4: Modern Warfare is a paltry ten pages, which seems like a freaking novel when you look at the "manual" for Black Ops II, which is quite literally a pamphlet. I'm not kidding, it is one piece of paper folded in half. It has no front or back cover, no flavor text, no introduction, no explanation of options or game modes or weapons, just a controller graphic with button assignments and a bunch of licencing and legal disclosures. In an age where long, colorful manuals are quickly becoming a dying breed, CoD is leading the charge toward extinction.

Terse diatribes relating to the death of physical media aside, I will admit that with Black Ops II (hereafter referred to as Blops2, mostly because it sounds vaguely like bathroom humor), I never made it past the second or third single player mission. In all the previous games, I had at least beaten the campaign before dabbling in multiplayer here and there, throwing my hands up in frustration when I would get ganked by some random 13-year-old for the 800th time. Point in fact, I actually bought Blops2 expressly for the multiplayer, at the behest of one of my very good friends. Once in a party together on Xbox Live, we would play long into the night, rotating through map after map in an endless quest to pop heads of random people on the other side of the globe.

This review is about that.

I'm not exactly sure what changed between Blops2 and the game that preceded it, but seemingly overnight I went from being mercilessly spanked by every other player ever, to at least being able to reload my gun once or twice before seeing my death replayed to me via Killcam. "Jason," I would say to my friend via headset, "it might just be me, but I think we're getting better at this--OH YOU SHITFACE!! WHY WOULD YOU HIDE THERE??!?" Of course, anyone who has played the games knows exactly what I'm talking about, since in the CoD games, death comes quick and quite often unexpected, from the caliber of people who would also do things such as drive 5 MPH under the speed limit when you're late for work, ask for something not on the menu at McDonald's, call you on a Sunday to offer you long distance calling plans, or shop at Wal-Mart in their pajamas during normal working hours. The propensity for these wastes of oxygen to hide in the most ludicrous (and oddly effective) places and end your killstreak with one well-placed shot is something that needs to be studied by science. Of course, my original point is that in Blops2, this wasn't happening quite as much, and I actually found myself beginning to grow in skill little by little.


The system by which one grows in Blops2 multiplayer is through XP which is handed out as reward mostly for getting kills. Once enough XP has been earned, you level up, gain rank, and get new options to customize your character. You also gain experience to your currently equipped weapons, and can unlock new attachments and abilities that can significantly change your playstyle, giving increased tactical options and potentially making you even more fearsome. New weapons unlock at predetermined player levels, and for the high-level players, the ability to "prestige" lends a new meaning to the term "douche-rocket". For the uninitiated, prestige is when you reach the level cap and are given a chance to effectively reset your character. You go back to level 1, and all of your weapons must be unlocked again. The catch is that you can choose one thing in your arsenal to keep unlocked and you get a shiny little icon that shows everyone that not only were you hardcore enough to reach such a high level, but that you were arrogant enough to start all over again on purpose. As can be expected, anyone who has one or more levels of prestige has spent a considerable amount of time with the game and has come to refine their player loadouts in granular detail, loadouts being the best way to improve your chances of winning aside from plain old practice.

The way loadouts work in Blops2 is you have 10 slots in which to place items, from your weapons and their attachments to grenades, perks, and special abilities. There are literally thousands of different possible combinations, although from playing, I have seen about 20 or so that are actually effective, which is the same 20 loadouts that everyone online uses without fail. The great thing about loadouts is they allow you to truly tailor your character to suit your preferred playstyle. While dirty, camping snipers may choose to load up with long range rifles, thermal scopes, and perks that make them invisible to radar; heroic, hard-working run-and-gunners would elect to get high damage weapons, body armor, and perks that would allow them to get around a map quickly and effectively. As stated above, as you continue to play with your selected loadout, you will unlock accessories and abilities that will further refine your style, playing even further into your strengths and (hopefully, but not likely) minimizing your weaknesses. All of this is a foundation upon which to attempt to win against real humans as much as possible, which is much more difficult than one would imagine. This is for two good reasons: one, because humans are endlessly devious and cunning creatures, with the ability to adapt to any situation and formulate and execute surprising and highly effective solutions to complex problems on the fly, and two, because the majority of high-level players in Blops2 are shithead 14-year-olds who have nothing better to do than spend 20 hours a day on the game and learn how to exploit every corner of every map.

Don't get me wrong, the multiplayer in Blops2 is amazing fun and strangely addicting once you make it over the insanely steep learning curve, but there'll always be that one 7th-grader who camps your spawn-point and laughs like a donkey when he shoots you in the back.

Graphics/Sound
I apologize for the deplorable pictures in this review, it isn't easy to get screenshots when you're home alone and trying to stay not-dead in a multiplayer match.

The graphics in Blops2 are adequate, insofar as everything is pretty well modeled, from the environments and set pieces, on down to the characters and their weapons. Special effects are competently done, with explosions, more explosions, and yet even more explosions being large and convincing. I haven't checked the credits, but this game very well may have been directed by Michael Bay. Certain other effects, such as fire can be a bit disappointing, but off the top of my head, I can't think of any games which have truly captured the visual magic of fire, so I suppose CoD gets a pass on that one. Of course, one of the larger complaints levied at the CoD games by the gaming community is that CoD has seemed to stagnate in terms of graphics, using the exact same engine for successive iterations for quite some time now. While this may upset your average FPS gamer, I understand that when you are cranking out a yearly franchise which hinges almost exclusively on a careful balance of literally hundreds of customizable elements in a human-driven arena with emergent gameplay characteristics, you, as a developer, will look at the calender and say "Graphics? Graphics? If these hairless monkeys find another bug like the Javelin exploit, that'll be all we're going to hear about for the next 6 months. Send the art department home and hire another thousand playtesters." Look at it this way, who would you rather have install a new balcony on your house? The supermodel in a bikini who calls a hammer the "nail putter-inner", or the ugly guy wearing workboots and holding a contractor's licence? If you said the supermodel, you are obviously one of the mental dust-bunnies that bitch about graphics all day long, and there is no way I'm coming to the next party you're having on your new balcony.


The sounds are actually quite immersive, each weapon in the game has a very unique sound, which not only adds aural variety, but makes it easy for you to hear across the map who is playing with the ridiculously overpowered PDW-57. Explosions are big and boomy, as one would naturally expect, and the voice-overs are appropriately laced with equal parts machismo and pithy spec-ops jargon. Before each match you'll generally hear something along the lines of "Weapons hot." or "The check cleared, let's go to work." which is supposed to pump you up for the battle ahead, but after the 200th time hearing the same 15 one-liners, induces more eye rolls than anything. I will say certain sounds in this game can definitely make your bowels run cold, not for their fidelity, but for what in-game punishment they are associated with. I guarantee that if you're in a multiplayer map and you hear barking dogs, your day is about to descend into a special kind of hell. Similarly, the announcement "Enemy death-machine spinning up" is likely to change your mind about running out into the open anytime soon. Aside from menu screens and in-game fanfares, the music is pretty much nonexistent, although what does pop its head up is a strange amalgamation of metal, techno, and military-inspired symphony. I would guess, just from listening to the various scores in the game that the music department was given a design document with two words in 72 point font: "PLEASE EVERYONE". Now, I'm not saying the music doesn't work, but when you consider the size of the audience that plays CoD, it is assured that you're going to have quite a few demographics that you have to--at the very least--not annoy. That such a genre of music (Milielectronorock? Technomilimetal?) is even listenable is a feat unto itself.

Story
The single player experience in Blops2, as in all iterations of the series has been driven by the series motto that in war, you do not fight alone. In the story, heavy emphasis was placed on working within a group, although the further you got away from the WWII origins, the more it would seem that the other soldiers around you were merely there to offer up scripted sequences where they would take a visceral bullet to the head. Visually striking yes, but at the end of the day, all the NPCs would simply sit there and hold the firing line until you had completed some task or advanced past a certain point, upon which they would all go about their predetermined tasks. No matter how many guys were around you, wearing the same uniform, the overarching feeling was that everyone else was still a bullet sponge and you were the only guy on the field that really did anything of consequence. Perhaps that's why in this particular game, I never made it past the third mission, the underpinnings had truly become too visible. Now, given that admittedly I didn't go into the core story, I can't really speak to it here. But what has also remained consistent throughout the CoD series is that the story in the main game dictates the set pieces, factions, and weapons used in the multiplayer mode. In this regard we have largely modern and cutting-edge tech powering the MP experience. The maps are all thrown slightly into the future, enough that environments don't have to have any grounding in anything real-world (unless they choose to), and the warring factions can be equally based in fantasy, preventing any current extremist groups from claiming their depiction in a game made them blow up an embassy or something. In any case, the main thrust from the story (as it has been in every CoD game since Modern Warfare) is that the Earth is in utter crisis and only America and its one or two remaining allies can stop total global meltdown. Ironically enough, with each sequel, we find that the events in the last game only served to make things worse and even more countries are pissed at us than last time. At the rate this is going, the next game should just be named Call of Duty: Damage Control.

Beer
Batch 19 is a craft offering from Coors. The label is eager to let you know this is a "pre-prohibition style lager" which is "inspired by an authentic recipe" from the "Coors brewery archives". A cursory search on the all-knowing internet reveals that the original recipe was created on or about 1919, putting it in the timeframe juuuust before prohibition. While such trappings usually only appeal to a drinker's sense of curiosity, one could argue that in the world of beer brewers, which in many cases is steeped in more tradition than many other culinary exploits, such a revival--even in spirit--is worth the endeavor. That said, I will confess that I'm really getting sick of the big-brewers turning out endless craft varieties in a feeble attempt to net those drinkers who steer clear of the well-known corporate brews. At this point in the game, these beer makers are following trends rather than setting them, and in doing so, have diluted the exposure of the beers that had actually set those trends, making the entire beer market look like a Chinese-fire-drill of incompetence. Not that the majority of these beers are terrible or anything, but the number of new varieties on store shelves is beginning to echo the games industry. There are just too many new properties available to be able to try every one, all but guaranteeing only the ones with the biggest names or the strongest word of mouth will sell enough to survive. Anyway, on with the review.

Smell
The smell is inviting, if a bit strong. There are definitely overtones of wheat mixed in with a bit of malty sweetness. Thankfully this isn't the same kind of maltiness that wafts menacingly out of the 40oz. sized bottles on the shelf, but is instead much better balanced, giving a wider spectrum of mostly-pleasant odors for those willing to take the time to savor their beverage. Lovers of American-style lagers and pilsners may be a bit put-off by the stronger aroma, but anyone who has spent time with anything darker will know what to expect. It is a bit grassy from time to time, usually after a particularly large quaff when the whole face seems to become involved in the business of drinking, but otherwise, pretty unoffensive. The overall smell is a tightly controlled balancing act, as I think any one of these odors getting any stronger would ruin what is, in my opinion, an appropriate experience for a beer that claims to come from an almost 100-year-old recipe.

Taste
Again, this beer's initial strength can be a fair bit surprising. A pronounced bitterness coupled with a bit of a citrus taste helped give the drink a fair bite, while still remaining refreshing. Somewhere in there I thought I could taste a bit of wood, as though this had been left in a wooden cask instead of being filtered into something more modern such as an aluminum keg. Nothing wrong with that of course, particularly since this brew's taste, much like the smell, is carefully balanced, which leads me to believe those responsible for updating the old recipe had quite a bit of liberty when it came to modernizing something where many of the original ingredients most likely no longer exist. Not that I profess to be an expert (or even a novice) in regards to the science of brewing beer, but I would imagine that through the intervening years since the original recipe was penned, brewers have learned and refined new techniques that have helped make modern beers smoother and easier to drink. Similarly, I'm certain a number of technological advancements have been made which gives ever more exacting control over a brew's composition, taste, and balance. While I applaud traditional methods and tools, and the challenges and rewards such work has given rise to, I also think that the better understanding of any chemical process modern technology brings cannot be discounted. I am able to appreciate the history of this beverage while being able to enjoy the fruits of its modernization. In this, I think is where Batch 19 excels, the nearly seamless marriage of old and new.

Intoxication
The intoxication brought on by a couple bottles of Batch 19 is actually a nice, warm feeling. A slightly unbalanced center of gravity accompanies a similarly slightly tied tongue and mental concentration, while getting a little fuzzy around the edges, is still on the agenda. I do believe that the more of this stuff that goes in the mouth-hole, the deeper the intoxication will get, and I think with a beer like this, particularly considering the strength of the taste and smell coupled with the ever-so-above-average alcohol content (5.5%), things can get pretty deep pretty fast. Nothing is worse than having a beer sneak up on you, especially when said beer pulls its magic trick in the presence of attractive members of the opposite sex. Going from smooth, entertaining Mr./Miss. Barhopper to Barney Gumble from The Simpsons within the span of an hour is rarely ever rewarded with anything other than a bouncer-assisted trip out the back door and footage of your idiocy being posted to YouTube, or worse yet, Vine. If you don't know what Vine is, just imagine in the above scenario, the absolute worst 7 seconds of an already bad night spreading across Facebook faster than nuclear fire. For the love of all that is holy, don't let social media kick your ass, drink Batch 19 with care.

Feel
Full-bodied and creamy is the order of the day here. This definitely strikes me as a beer especially suited for food. The strong taste and smell along with the fullness of the drink makes it seem like a perfect match for anything involving red meat. Though it is a filling beer, it is still refreshing, particularly on a hot day, owing to its status as an amber lager. While many drinks with fullness and strength comparable to that of Batch 19 may leave the drinker feeling sluggish, this offering somehow deftly avoids such pitfalls. That's not to say that one can plow through a six pack with reckless abandon and expect to go for a jog (or even a brisk walk), and expect to be free of consequence, but unlike some other beers, Batch 19 will give you at least a two to three bottle grace period before bringing the hammer down on your physical shenanigans. Again, drink judiciously, 7 second videos of you puking can make it to the internet faster than you can make it to the bathroom.

The Matchup
As I've mentioned before, video games and beer seem to be the kind of match that couldn't be an accident. Greater heights of entertainment can potentially be reached with both properties working together than with either one alone, and never is this more true than when enjoying them alongside some great friends, whether in the same room or across the country. Blops2 takes that camaraderie to the Nth degree and causes you and your friends to experience such concerted outbursts of joy/frustration/fury that sealing it all by sharing a beer or two in the vein of Batch 19 will practically make you family. Depending on how much trash talk the junior high schooler on the other team is throwing out will determine whether you become the Partridge Family or the Manson Family.

Cheers/Game on.