Game: Minecraft, Mojang, 2010, PC
Beer: Ziegenbock, 11.2 fl. oz., 4.0% abv
# of beers consumed during play: 3
Level Reached: 127 (Minecraft players know what I'm talking about)
Level of Intoxication: Buzzed
Game
Unless you were an extremely disadvantaged youth, you had the distinct pleasure of getting to play with Legos as a kid. Of course, if your parents hated you, they either bought you the far inferior MegaBloks, or they just forced you to play with your little sister's Duplos. If they loved you, you might have come downstairs one Christmas to find a brand new Pirate's Cove Lego set under the tree. Point being that anyone aside from Amish kids has at one point or another in their lives, played happily with Legos and discovered their subtle charm. Any adults reading this have invariably stepped on a Lego block barefoot and discovered to their sickly dismay that Legos are made out of brightly colored razor sharp edges and corners. The people over at codehouse Mojang either had metric tons of Lego blocks as children, or they were the pee-smelling Duplo kid down the block that cries while he's eating his school lunch. Either way, they've taken Legos, thrust them into the digital realm, and somehow made them even more awesomer.
Gameplay
Ironically, describing minecraft as a "Lego Simulator" is wrong, because the only slight similarity between Minecraft and ye olde plastic blocks is that you can take blocks and build them into things that depending on your skill level, may be nothing more than larger blocks. The reason the above comparison is bad is because Minecraft is actually better. In all my days creating awesome things with Lego blocks, I never recall being able to fashion floating islands with waterfalls, lava flows, working monster traps, or the ability to make a Lego furnace which would make certain blocks transmogrify into other certain blocks. Any Lego furnace I encountered as a wee young'n would invariably transmogrify my blocks into rainbow soup and get me grounded for a week. So yeah, Minecraft = better.
In Minecraft, you are basically given a random world which contains all the ingredients needed to create anything you want. I don't mean that in a silly or facetious way. I literally mean "anything you want." If you spend about 5 seconds casting around on the internet plugging such terms as "greatest Minecraft creations", "awesome Minecraft stuff", or "omg Minecraft wtf crafty craft" you will find your search engine bursting with results that are both amazing in scope and design and slightly saddening when you realize the time it took to make a 1:1 model of the USS Enterprise or a working 16-bit computer. No, I'm not making those examples up, yes, they are real. Yes, lest you ask, the next step is three-dimensional animated porn.
Before you accuse Minecraft of being nothing more than a blocky sandbox however, allow me to touch on a number of systems that the game features and what make it what it is. First of all, the game has several game modes and variants. As of this writing, Minecraft is still a beta product and things are being changed all the time. If you wanna just get your create on, the free version of Minecraft (called Classic) can be played in a web browser over at the Minecraft site, and there is no actual crafting, you just place any block you want anywhere you want. Many of the behemoth Minecraft creations are made in that mode. For anyone who wants to pony up a little dough however, the downloadable client is available which offers the ability to craft things, as well as a larger variety of blocks, animals, achievements, and monsters. Tools are on offer such as buckets, swords, shovels, and the absolutely necessary pick-axe. Different grades of tool can be made, from the practically throwaway wooden type, all the way up to the tools made of diamond, which are as hard as they sound, and are the only tools capable of harvesting certain materials. Day and night cycles factor into the game, and at night or in dark corners of the world, monsters will spawn and scare the bejeezus out of you because they make creepy noises, hurt you, and generally appear out of nowhere. Of course, fighting the monsters will yield certain materials which can't be found anywhere else, giving you the ability to craft even more complex items, and even allowing you to tame certain animals in the game world. Still, the first time you're building something at night and run across a Creeper, you'll be super tempted to change the game's difficulty down to peaceful so you can just build your giant glass dome in peace.
Before you ask, yes, everything in the game has that same derp-face. Including you.
As mentioned before, the current version of the game is in beta and so as time goes on, more things will be added, but I'm reviewing the game as it stands, and currently, one of the big shortcomings that kind of hold this game back is the fact that despite baddies to kill, things to craft, and even a robust multiplayer where people can work together and build what may amount to a huge insane and labyrinthine town, there is still no overarching goal to be found. There is no actual character progression, no level structure, and no true "endgame". Thus what you encounter when you first fire this thing up is what you'll have all the way up until Mojang updates something. For people who are used to moving through outside goals, or require certain aspects of linearity or progression are going to be somewhat disappointed with Minecraft. Unfortunately for those people, in its current iteration, Minecraft just isn't that sort of game, and in my humble opinion, shouldn't be. I don't profess to be any real voice of authority on the games industry or even of any specific cross-section of gamers, but I feel like Minecraft is great because it isn't the same typical grind from beginning to end. There isn't some level designer telling you how to experience this world. You have literally been given a blank slate with all the tools you need to shape the world offered to you as you see fit. For anyone who has ever played a Sim-City title just so they could make the city they always wanted to live in, such a game is an incredibly powerful tool for self-expression, and if you leave the monsters on while you dig and build in Minecraft, that expression will frequently be "AAAARRRGHH! GODDAMN CREEPERS! STOP TRYING TO BLOW ME UP!"
All complaints about the lack of a true endgame aside though, Minecraft as a beta is as robust and feature-rich as any full version game released by any other company. And again, given the open invitation to make the world (or multiple worlds) offered belong only to you and/or your E-friends, it's no surprise to see the community that has grown out of this game. So get online, look up how to build a portal and transport to the Nether, where you will immediately be consumed by lava and lose everything you're carrying.
Graphics/Sound
Ahh yes, the graphics. Depending on who you talk to, the graphics are either a wildly clever homage to 8 and 16-bit gaming, or quite possibly the ugliest and most jarring punch to the eyeballs ever. The debate isn't quite on par with say, abortion or stem cell research, but it has a fair share of mouth-frothers on both sides of the tape. As far as I'm concerned, the graphics do exactly what they need to do, which is to facilitate the gameplay. The chunky appearance actually ties in with the block-building gameplay, and if the 8-bit-inspired textures aren't tickling your ballyhoo, Minecraft allows you to apply 3rd party texture packs to make the pig's faces as creepy as possible. At any rate, the graphics are actually some of the most competent I've seen, the design is tightly cohesive, and help to convey in-game cues and interface language in an organic and understandable way. Certain graphical cues are subtle, and require a sharp eye and more in-depth understanding of the game world to interpret, which in my opinion only serve to flesh out a Minecraft biome as being even more alive. Small differences in plants, animals, and environment can give insight into a given region or particular point of interest. In Minecraft, the seemingly simplistic graphics are more than just window dressing--as is the case in many million-dollar-budget titles--but are actually a useful catalog of information for those able to read it.
The sound in Minecraft is most definitely a mixed bag, and although I don't agree with certain aspects of it, I understand what the design is trying to accomplish. For approximately 85% of the time, the significant sound effects in Minecraft consist of your footfalls as you walk somewhere and of the muted thump-thump-thump noise as you break blocks. Although in these cases the sound guy seems to be on vacation, you are simply being conditioned for what lies ahead. See, at it's heart, especially in single player "Survival" mode, you are alone on an infinite world, left with only what you build, the animals nearby, and any monsters you will invariably encounter. Sparse sound design only serves to accentuate that solitude. It also sets a precedent whereby anything that occurs outside the norm will be that much more striking and engaging. These striking, engaging moments can either be a enigmatic, quiet and beautiful score by the game's musician C418, or it can be a jarring, frightening shock when a monster comes up behind you and hungrily samples your sweet, vulnerable brain as you mine deep underground. Trust me when I say hearing a zombie groan in a dark hallway deep in the belly of the earth will make your butthole pucker tighter than a 90-year-old nun in a lemonade rainstorm. Lest you think you're safe from these nasty shocks by setting the game in peaceful mode, ambient noises will still drift along, many times making your heart skip a beat or two. One night I was happily mining around level 7 when out of nowhere huge rumbling noises began lighting up my sense of self-preservation. I knew I wouldn't run into any monsters--the game was set to peaceful, the cavern I was mining out was extremely well lit--but the noise was so unsettling, and I was so deep underground, that I actually panicked and ran back up my mineshaft back into the daylight.
Well played Mojang, well played.
Story
Yet another game with no story. I really need to review a couple good RPGs or something.
In this space I could do what I usually do, and make up some crazy story on the spot about how you've just woken up in a strange land where the only other humanoid inhabitants happen to be the undead. Logically assuming you are the only survivor of a zombie apocalypse...in the wilderness...except on multiplayer...you set about fortifying your position and crafting tools, weapons, and traps to help you survive the undead onslaught. Along the way, you'll mine up precious stones and metals, and build unthinkable monuments both as a show of your indomitable human spirit, and to prove that despite a zombie incursion, you can still horde massive amounts of bling. I could make up a story like that, and it would be an awesome interpretation of an open-ended scenario, and many people who read it might end up imagining my awesome scenario as they play, and one of those people could conceivably be Markus Persson, and he would be so impressed with it that he might include it in a future update to the game and I could be given credit for it in the game which might be the most awesome thing ever to happen to anyone in the history of the world. That could happen, but I'm sure a bunch of Minecraft purists would complain, mention that they were so old-school they had been playing it since before it was called "Cave Game", and call me out as a noob because I only got in after it went beta, and I don't need that kind of drama.
As an aside, I would posit the argument that given the type of game Minecraft is, it really doesn't need a classic "beginning-middle-end" story in order to justify its existence and is doing just fine as a property guided by the expectations of the player. As of this writing, over 3.2 million copies of the game sold seem to bear that sentiment out. If that seems like a small number, remember, 3.2 million people (including yours truly) bought and paid for a game that is essentially unfinished.
Beer
To the uninitiated, Ziegenbock might look like a craft brew or possibly some slick local offering from a Texas-based microbrewery. Unfortunately, if you are the type who is prone to reading the fine print, or you have a proclivity to Google everything you've ever touched, you will come to discover that Ziegenbock is actually brewed by Anheuser-Busch specifically for the Texas market, and specifically to compete with a real Texas-based brewing company known as the K. Spoetzl Brewery, located in Shiner, TX. If the name Shiner rings a bell, it should, since this company is most well known for their Shiner Bock, an award-winning beer that many beer lovers have a deep affection for. Unfortunately, we aren't here to review Shiner...yet. We are taking its deceitful corporate rival to task. Just for the record, Ziegenbock already lost this review simply due to the fact that it's a wolf in sheep's clothing, but in the interest of thoroughness, we'll continue.
Smell
Malt. Hops. Grain. Lies. Yup, this beer has it all, a strong, characteristic odor with layered notes and a not entirely unpleasant undercurrent of fermentation. In fact, left to stand on its own merits, this beer has a pretty attractive smell, one that is probably magnified in intensity and complexity when consumed with good food. I'm sure BBQ would pair with this offering from an underhanded, soulless corporation quite famously. Of course, one can only imagine that this beer was likely formulated in a cold, sterile laboratory for just such a purpose. It was probably formulated by robots, or scientists who were forced at gunpoint to talk like robots. They probably made a robot taste-test this, and not an awesome smarmy robot like Bender from Futurama, but a cold calculating robot, like the T-1000.
Taste
Since I have proven above that this beer was made specifically to enslave mankind, I'll touch briefly on the taste, ignoring for a moment or two that I'm actually drinking corporate contempt in a bottle. The taste is clean, with a muted bitterness that fades quickly and blooms into crisp maltiness. If I really pay attention, I can detect a faint twist of greed and grassy notes dancing lightly over my palate. No one sensation lingers for too long or mingles unexpectedly with anything else. This is very middle of the road beer. Not too daring, not too safe, but overwhelmed with treachery.
Intoxication
Being that this beer has a pretty low alcohol content, it's pretty hard to get wasted on this. At 4% abv, this beer is more suited to church picnics than a night watching the Superbowl. What intoxication there is comes on predictably and with an easy countenance. Of course, while I have no prior experience with this, I imagine it would be pretty difficult to get blasted off of nothing more than pure, distilled avarice. If you're thinking about bar-hopping with friends, and you don't mind filling your body and mind with the essence of capitalist foul-play, this particular brew may be right up your alley.
Feel
The carbonation is right in the sweet spot here, not being too fizzy, while at the same time, deftly avoiding being too flat. The taste and sensation is refreshing and it goes down easy and leaves the drinker wanting more. The only drawback I could come up with was the fact that as I held a mouthful of beer, the bubbles in my mouth seemed to be whispering something directly to my inner ear, and when I concentrated and listened, I suddenly heard, very clearly, the words "sssscrrreewwww ssssmmaaalllll-tooooowwwnn Aaaammeeeeerriiiicaaaaa...."
Okay, maybe not, and I admit that I've really been ragging on Anheuser-Busch this entire review, but I'll just spell it out. Anheuser-Busch, the number one largest beer maker in America has created and marketed a beer in direct competition with a much smaller craft brewery. Now, there's nothing wrong with a little competition, but the way this Ziegenbock is displayed, and the fact that it is only marketed in Texas, makes a simple "corporate specialty brew" seem like it's doing everything it can to elbow a widely loved craft brewery out of their own market, the one they helped create. I know, Spoetzl Breweries aren't exactly a 2-man operation either, but their beers are genuine, loved, and their entire line has something worthwhile, and I seriously doubt they're coming up with a beer called Budweizen just to compete with another company on their own turf. So knock that shit off Anheuser-Busch.
The Matchup
Minecraft proves that anyone, with a good enough idea and effort, can create something amazing that millions of people will love. It also shows that it takes a special someone to become worth millions almost overnight and still remain humble, focused, and personable. Minecraft is the type of game that comes along and redefines a generation of gaming, and despite certain shortcomings (which is par for the course when any property is an innovator) is loved and venerated by millions of people from all walks of life. On the other hand, Ziegenbock is a great example of what NOT to do when you are the biggest dog in town. At least not if you want to maintain a good reputation. I'm of the opinion that the only reason this brand has not yet gone down in flames is because too few who buy it actually realize why it was made in the first place, or who made it. Still, at the end of the day, despite my own misgivings, I must concede that the beer itself isn't bad. It will just never see the numbers or the loyalty that a genuine product such as Minecraft (or Shiner) rightfully deserves.
Cheers/Game on.