Gumboy: Crazy Adventures/Samuel Adams Alpine Spring

Game: Gumboy: Crazy Adventures, Cinemax, 2006, PC
Beer: Samuel Adams Alpine Spring, 12 fl. oz., 5.5% abv
# of beers consumed during play: 5
Level Reached: 2? 17? 36 1/2?
Level of Intoxication: Three Sheets to the Wind

Game
This game may be coming out of left field for many readers, Gumboy isn't exactly rated as one of the most well known titles out there. Players may only be familiar with it if they signed up with Valve's Steam service way back when Half-Life 2 came out. Gumboy debuted early on when Steam was still a fledgling service along with a handful of other such indie titles. These smaller games were designed to boost Steam's games catalog at a time before any other distributors had jumped onboard. Gumboy in particular was made by a studio called Cinemax (no relation to the smutty cable channel), a small dev house based out of the Czech Republic. Thanks to the furor that was Half-Life 2 however, Gumboy--as well as most of the other indie titles on Steam at the time--was largely overlooked. That is a shame, as Gumboy is, by all accounts, a solid little game.

Gameplay
In Gumboy, you are a greenish-red ball with a stoned smile and a pair of staring, sleep-deprived eyes. You roll around a strange, abstract world filled with obstacles, powerups, and collectables such as shells and stars. Each level comes with its own challenges and unique set of powerups, meaning this platformer has puzzling organically thrown into the mix. This mix is very welcome, as the levels and the objectives each one contains are varied and help keep the game fresh. In one level you may be tasked with achieving a certain score by collecting things called "luciferoids" which sound like a nickname for hemorrhoids which have exceeded the reach of medical science. While some levels have you collecting Satan's polyps, others may task you with finding a specific item and carrying it to the goal, while still others may simply task you with navigating a trap-laden environment. One goal-type that will be encountered sooner rather than later, and ends up becoming the objective that most of the levels on offer provide is the one where you have to get some sparklies  from one end of the map to the other. This particular task isn't as easy as it sounds however, as the motions needed to succeed are a bit convoluted. You have to find and collect no fewer (and oftentimes more) than two different types of powerup, one to find the little sparkly bits, and another to actually move them. The gameplay mechanics created to make this happen are both ingenious and infuriating. Here's the thing. The sparklies are contained in this glowing flower-mushroom-thing, which always sits far, far away from the goal. The first thing you have to do is collect an artifact that allows you to release the sparkles. Once that's complete, you must find another item somewhere that will give you the power to repel the sparklies. This allows you to "herd" the particles through the level, eventually bringing them all back to the goal where they will open up the portal to the next level. This game mechanic is actually quite well implemented, and there are a few "ahh" moments where you push the numerous little star bits over a hump or other obstacle which results in a nice effect as all the twinkly bits go flying. The wonder and awe are quickly cut short though, as you either find yourself stuck somewhere, trying to get all the sparkles through a difficult obstacle (which is far more challenging than it should be), or you actually succeed in delivering the mushroom-glitter to the goal, where you are forced to contemplate what this thing is:


Seriously, what IS that??!!? Other than solid rocket booster fuel to whisk you away to the planet of nightmares, I cannot even begin to guess at what that thing might call itself, much less what its friends call it when it isn't around. In this single facet, the game handily defines itself. Nothing in the world makes any sense, least of all your character, and this complete detachment from anything even resembling reality allows the game to go down the rabbit hole as far as it wants to. This turns out to be pretty damn far, because once the game gets you to accept its unabashed ludicrousness, you'll start thinking in Gumboy logic, and that's when things get really interesting. You'll discover early on that Gumboy is able to assume forms far beyond the simple ball. Powerups can allow you to jump, stick to walls and ceilings, and move other objects in the world. Still other pickups will turn you into stars or squares with different properties, such as being light as air or filled with water. These shapes will grant the ability to move into new areas, find new powerups, and die with much greater ease than ever before. Yes, lest you ask, Gumboy can most certainly meet his (hers? its??) maker, forcing you to start the level over again. As a water shape, going too fast or falling from too great a height will cause you to burst, while an air form will offer much the same opportunities. In all cases, the fluid controls and tightly defined physics will be the tools you'll need to use to ensure you survive.

While the game as a whole is very well put together, the inevitable cadre of problems raise their ugly heads. One of the biggest issues actually stems from one of the game's greatest strengths. Since the game is so unique, it does, by necessity, write up its own rules. Unfortunately, most of the time, it is up to the player to figure out what those rules are. In Gumboy, it is not uncommon to spend a significant amount of time trying to determine what the immediate objective is, and once that has been figured out, actually carrying out that objective can be daunting in its own right. This can lead to frustrating moments where you know where you're supposed to move the sparklies, but actually perching on that ledge and doing it is another job entirely. Many times have I unleashed a torrent of profanity from slipping off a platform and watching as all the mushroom jizz I'd been slowly gathering and pushing through the level scatters. Every gamer worth their salt has run up against this particular type of gameplay wall, and speaking personally, this one frustration alone has caused me to permanently abandon lesser games. Random keyboard-throwing frustration aside though, there is surprisingly little in this game to further dissuade me from its charms, and completing each successive stage gives the appropriately rewarding feeling of having figured shit out for yourself. Don't give yourself too much credit though, I've watched a five-year-old blaze through this game beginning to end without breaking a sweat. Just goes to show, kids know way more about using magnets to give mushroom dust to mythical creatures in exchange for an express ride through an Einstein-Rosen bridge than you do.


The sheer number of levels and secrets in the game will be enough to keep even the most seasoned gamer entertained for a while, and the completely unfiltered insanity that is Gumboy guarantees that for the gamers that embrace it, no future psych evaluation will ever be okay again. Determining if that's a bad thing or not largely depends on if you're trying to get a Top Secret clearance. The gameplay--while somewhat simplistic--is still satisfying and even a bit addictive. To be perfectly honest there are a huge number of games that are both more expensive and more widely known that are beaten out by Gumboy in the fun-factor category. For that simple fact alone, I think Cinemax deserves kudos.

Graphics/Sound
Gumboy enjoys crisp, clean graphics, sprinkled with a healthy dash of total crazy. All the assets are high resolution, and the small details such as wood grain on a creepy, man-shaped foreground piece or the glassy, soul-piercing gaze of the mushroom dust-collecting...thing...are so carefully represented you may feel the art was inspired by someone like Salvador Dali. Colors are vibrant and particle effects are sparingly used ensuring the special effects in the game actually look and feel special. As stated above, moving around the glitter stuff results in some splendid visual moments, and even though the backdrops do begin to blend into the game after a while, they are still lovingly drawn and expertly presented. The art direction is very cohesive, with an ethereal hand-drawn style that complements the feel of the game. Animation is smooth and snappy, and from the title screen to the tutorial screens, the game works hard to maintain a consistent aesthetic.


If the graphics are crazy, then the sounds are full-on balls-out apeshit. While the music doesn't go beyond an isolated jingle here or there--and even that description is charitable--the sound effects are pure liquid surrealism. Standard menu effects are fairly pedestrian, but sounds in the game world soar to new heights of weirditude. One sound that is particularly noteworthy in this aspect is when the mushroom dust creature actually speaks. Any vestige of sanity you may have will quickly evaporate as the bug-eyed monstrosity squabbles out a shrill, unintelligible string of noises. Your mind will feebly attempt to make sense of this alien information; is the creature relaying instructions? Is it offering a careful warning to would-be adventurers? Is it calling into question the ethics of your mom, who is without a doubt a wholesome, intelligent woman? No one knows. At this point I doubt even Cinemax knows. I'm convinced their art and sound departments collapsed into a sudden, freak black hole and the only people who could offer any explanation for the audio and visual assets were pulled unceremoniously into the cold extremities of space. I find that to be a comforting thought as I bang my head against a particularly difficult section in the game, that somewhere on the other side of the Andromeda galaxy, a handful of Czechoslovakian artists and sound engineers are floating, orphaned from their home planet by an aberration in the space-time continuum. As I struggle in vain against a fiendishly difficult level they drift lifeless through the great vacuum of deep space, surrounded by random pencils, papers, and even a drafting table or boom mike, taking the secrets of their art and sound direction with them into the great beyond. Of course, I don't need a team of involuntary astronauts to tell me how awesome it is to have Gumboy utter "Bim-sala-bim" when you turn into a floating air-star and waft around a level that looks like a bad acid trip at the Guggenheim.

Story
Okay, so I'm a writer, and being a writer, I enjoy crafting the written word into something that can move people, make them smile, perhaps even make people think. Many modern videogames seem to take all the power that can come from the art of writing and, much like Dr. Jake Houseman, put Baby in the corner. It saddens a wordsmith such as myself especially in the case of Gumboy because the game is so abstract that a good story could have made the world of Gumboy a living, purposeful place. As it stands, I'm going to have to see if I can fill in the blanks myself.

You are Gumboy, the hunky dance instructor at a resort in upstate New York. Through pure happenstance, while rolling around a forest with a head full of acid, you make friends with a privileged young girl named Freaky Mushroom-dust-collecting Creature, who everyone calls Baby. As you and Baby get to know each other, a love begins to form. Baby asks you to help her collect all the mushroom glitter in the forest, promising you that in doing so, you will help her break free of her father's tyrannical hold. Against her father's will, you teach her how to move her body in ways she'd never dreamt of before, and in turn, she helps you create wormholes that defy all known laws of physics. In the end you all live happily ever after because this entire game is the feverish dream of a kindly chocolatier trapped in a coma.

I really, really need a book deal here.

Beer

This beer comes from Samuel Adams, the brewing company that pahks da cah in da yahd. This particular bottle is a seasonal brew called Alpine Spring, which I'm pretty damn sure is the name of a bar of soap. I notice that many brewhouses are jumping on the bandwagon of "seasonal" offerings that purportedly take advantage of the strengths of what ingredients are growing best at that particular time. Unfortunately, most of the newcomers to this sort of market turn out products that don't manage to catch on. The ones that do are generally held in high regard by beer connoisseurs and area locals alike. Sam Adams is quite well known for their history of seasonal, limited, and specialty brews throughout the years, drawing quite a bit of acclaim in the beer community by being one of those breweries that actually get it right much of the time.

While many may ridicule or even decry spice and berry-flavored brews (a comic bit by Denis Leary comes to mind), few can refute that once you've grown past the debate of "Great taste/Less filling" and have begun to branch your tastes out a bit more, Sam Adams and their beers aren't a bad jumping off point.

Smell
I definitely smelled sweetness here, not the kind of deathly sickening sweetness that accompanies malt liquor, but the clean, natural sweetness of citrus and a hint of maltiness that makes me think more of warm candied apples than fallen homies. They claim the hops come from the foothills of the Alps and, well, yeah, the smell is refreshing, which goes to show that a little care (or marketing) with your ingredients can take you out of the corner liquor stores and into the featured taps at high-end pubs. At this point though, everyone knows that Sam Adams take their beer seriously, and so a brew with refreshing odors from a beer named after soap is to be expected. I will say that inhaling the bouquet of this beverage does give me a brief glimpse of sitting out front on a warm afternoon, taking in the sunlight overhead. Perhaps thats the marketing at play, perhaps it's a manifestation of my own eagerness to see spring come rolling in, but nonetheless, it's their bottle I'm holding under my nose as I get this, so we'll just assume they know what they're doing.

Taste
The beer is very refreshing, it's light and tangy, with enough bubbles to hit the tongue just right. It comes with a pretty strong afterbite, that have some light roasted tones along with an earthy base. The stout drinker in me can appreciate this, as the bitter taste gives it just enough clang to balance out the subtle coffee notes. It isn't easy to balance a beer. Most popular beers fall into either the "flavored water" or "chew it as you chug it" categories. few beers ever strike a balance between these properties and succeed. Fortunately Samuel Adams has this ship under control and brings a nice complement of flavors out in this little offering.

Intoxication
Alpine Spring can come on pretty strong. At 5.5% by volume, and with the ease of drinking this particular offering, whirlies come first followed by the slight degradation in coordination. Fortunately though, most other faculties are left alone, leaving the drinker to enjoy the beer equivalent of a merry-go-round turned down to Special Olympics speeds. Higher thought functions are thankfully left alone, although after a few of these babies, the numb lips and heavy tongue will make it difficult to get even the simplest of ideas across. The morning after doesn't present too many problems, and even so, it's nothing a glass of water and a couple of Alka-Seltzer can't fix. I can definitely see this as a social beer, perfect for small gatherings with friends. Pair this with a fire pit and some grilled hot dogs, and you have what could be considered by many a perfect Friday night. I myself have a hard time arguing with that.

Feel
As mentioned above, the bubbles do tickle the mouth quite nicely, offering a refreshing splash to the palette. Fortunately, the bubbles, while zingy, aren't overwhelming, and the feel of the beverage is full and smooth. It slides easily past the tongue and down one's gullet. Once there however, the bubbles and the fullness mix into a concrete-like substance that seems to set up shop for about three or so hours before finally moving on. The leaden feeling is one of the reasons I wouldn't recommend this as a bar-hopping beer of choice, since it will sit stubbornly in your gut and work to slow you down. I do think it is particularly suited to grabbing one of these for a quiet night at home, sitting in front of the TV or hanging out with a friend and just chilling out for an evening. I think more of us out there deserve these kinds of nights, and I applaud any beer that is capable of taking us to that awesome moment where we're sitting at home, comfortable and relaxed for perhaps the first time in a week, and we put our feet up and say to ourselves, "This is the life, bro." Those are rare and precious moments indeed.

The Matchup
I must say, the beer was a pleasant surprise, and the game is one of those that you can go forever not knowing about and it manages to come out of nowhere and enchant you immediately. In this, both these properties are able to catch you off guard and make you realize that life is full of little surprises, some of which can be very pleasant indeed. It's a shame that Sam Adams puts out so many beers that only stay on shelves a short time, but is good that we get these special offerings in the first place. Gumboy mirrors this in another way; some games come out of the most unlikely places and quite often, are never seen again. While games such as Call of Duty have struck on a successful formula that reiterates each year, games such as Gumboy have a successful formula that sparkles once and is seldom, if ever seen again.

Cheers/Game on.